25.8.11

Changes

I used to always blog whenever I enter a new age. What ever happened? Things happened. Thinking changed. Abilities changed. Emotions changed.

I'm feeling like a rubber band again.

But I'm still thankful that above all, there were more good things than bad. =)
 
It's just some things that cannot change, no thanks to some parts that have no willpower to change. Also no thanks to some parts that do not even want to change.

My worst enemy is STARTING. Blog posts included.

I will definitely make sure that I'll jot down stuffs about plunging into my new age, before the new semester starts. But thinking about the coming semester tears me apart with the pressure of wanting to place myself in a shoebox and the force of wanting to be an unstoppable kung fu fighter.

Right now, I just need ideas.

And a good pair of sports shoes. xP

So here's a pretty thing I found. =D




Current obsession: Fluffy, fat flowers :3

31.5.11

Yay for Hair!


Finally! I got my hair layered AND got my hair some highlights!!! Woowwwooott my first time!!! *cricket sounds from the hair dye community* I don't care if I only got to do this now, I'm freakin' psyched!!! *mental cartwheels* xD


At first, my hair looked like this:


Mak Limah from the super ridiculously famous local movie.


And then, after my new hair makeover last Sunday:


Rachael Weisz a.k.a. I can dream looking like her

But hey, I can relate the sexy feeling! xD



PS: Negativity gives me internal spasms. 


Current mode: Should be sleeping now

27.5.11

Patches of Randomness

Let's have a quick list:


1.   I'm now doing my practical at the campus radio. I gave a mental pat on my back for making a wise decision of being here, as I'm also running other stuff as well (campus radio b-day fest, campus journalism and a theatre programme). 


2.   I hate paperwork for events.


3.    People might think doing practical within the campus and managing the campus radio is a piece of sugar-crusted donut, but they have NO IDEA how challenging it is to pick up the pieces of what has been left and start anew. With two-third of all the practical students actually managing it, truth be told.


4.   I'm lacking AND brimming full of the capacity to care at the same time. Interestingly, I feel nonchalant about this.


5.   I find myself getting bored with romantic love and marriage. Oops. But I'd love to have more friend love and family love. They feel warmer now.


6.   I'm tired of incompetent and/or inefficient people. Not saying I'm all that but I try. I miss working with people who can work. (PS: I miss working with guys too! xP)


7.   I'm disciplining myself in small yet effective ways; stuff that I never did before. And it feels G-R-E-A-T! \^0^/ Hope I can continue this enthusiasm though...


8.   Need to constantly remind self that humans are entitled to their thoughts and opinions. But that doesn't mean they couldn't be irking.


9.   I don't know if I should pursue my theatrical ideas. In some sense, they are quite personal. Yet why this persistent want of showcasing them in reality?


10.  Suddenly I kinda miss my fantasy crush. Mnyaaawaahahahahaaaa... X3
(EDIT: I finally FINALLY met him three days after posting this mnyaawwaahahhahaaaa... My heart did a tiny leap xDD)




PS: I'm positive that I have OCD = Obsessive Cheese Disorder. Grrrfff...


Current songs: From my old 'burnt CD' collection.

10.5.11

Dear God II


Please forgive me for this long while. For neglecting You. For keeping myself away from You. It's just that I find it so hard being stuck between two contrasting points. Left and right. The direction of pull from both opposite sides has equal massive force and when they tear me apart, I'm left immobile to even feel. Sometimes I find myself being dragged more to the left. Sometimes I see that I'm yanked to the right. Then I'm back right in the middle, like a rubber band being snapped back to its original form.

Please help me. Please help me secure my point.


Thank You so much for giving me strength to connect with my sister. It was so difficult, but I succeeded with Your assistance. It feels like Your given strength elevates me to greater possibilities which I was previously hesitant of.


Thank You so much for helping me maintain my academic grades. I totally expect the worst (with the amount of will I had throughout the semester), but You completely changed that. It gives me more strength to endure.


Please, I'm asking for Your guidance through this upcoming year. I could already feel the intensity of the challenges ahead, and without You, I will amount to nothing.


Thank You for still standing by and not giving up on me. Despite of me.



Current time: 2:56 am

19.4.11

It's Not Easy


My recent status on a certain social network site:

... is feeling like the aftermath of trying an overcooked, tasteless meal that was previously presented in mouth-watering beauty.

This probably came up coz I just watched 'Masterchef US' on the idiot box. But the feeling is still evident. And prominent.

Then I opened up my blog dash and voila, an illustration came up from a blog I'm following that totally described my current status.


'Bukan Senang' by Ikhsan Ise


He's an brilliant local artist. His work was very much lauded by my dad a couple of years ago, so I followed his blog (you can see that I put his blog link on the sidebar under 'Randomilicious Blogs', which one rarely notices). You peeps should scout over THERE, have a look around and see what I mean.


Sigh.


PS: I miss my old talent. I'm suddenly reminded of it yesterday by my dad. And now, this.


Current music: Polyphonic instrumental

12.4.11

A Dirty Mind


Come on, now. A dirty mind doesn't have to be filled with just sexual themes. Can we think of other things that could make our minds dirty? Let's decide.

I've been exposed to dirtiness since I was a kid. Weird, yes, which became a part of me. I thank my mom, though, for opening up my mind so much of the unconventional, even taboo subjects that no other parents would even dare to hint at their children.

That's why sometimes my mouth tend to let out things that seem impure. Sexual themes? Got it covered. Sexuality? Sealed and delivered. Verbal abuse? Whenever necessary. Female dog-ing? To those fortunate souls.

Sometimes I can't help but to blurt them out, coz I used to and still, hang out with like-minded people like me. Of course, only in front of people who could handle them. I don't think others who couldn't, could make it. xD

An example of a situation; please observe below:

Place   :   Inside of car.

Time   :   Night.

Characters   :   Two friends and I.

A car passenger friend mentioned RAIN, the biggest Korean celebrity who makes females (and queers) go oh-take-my-body-now, and rain, one of nature's typical phenomena. I responded that the latter rain is cold, but the former rain is hot. Trust me, when something is spoken in your mother tongue, it sounds more raunchier.

The car driver friend turned behind, gave me an 'okaaay' look, turned back in front and said THAT has a double meaning.

I was like, hey, better to have it out then have it in! Not like a case study -- a certain educator caught red-handed.

Driver friend corrected me by saying that it's not a case study, but a literature review.

I swear I laughed like a hyena on crack.


~


Old friends, you already know me by now. New friends, brace yourselves. xD

That's why I love you all. Aww. ♥


Current obsession: CATS! 

3.4.11

Maintain


Maintaining FOUR blogs is quite a challenge. ONE, the campus radio blog. I just updated it yesterday night. TWO, the production house blog. I just updated it four hours ago. THREE, the personal blog, updating it with this post. FOUR, the non-Blogger personal blog. I update it almost every day. xD Oops.

I've never felt so unmotivated to study for finals in all my 2-and-a-half years of university life. Really. Because it doesn't help at all when my first paper starts later than most of my friends.

So my friends would tell me like:


Babe, when the hell are you gonna study?!?

And I'm like:

Study? What study?


And when others are hittin' their exams like:


 Faeces! Babe, please pray for me I'm doin' my exam this afternoon!

I'm just doin' mah thang like:


Okay.


Then, much later, realisation slowly hits hard like:


Ah, faeces! Do I have enough time to cover this?


And throughout my exam period of two weeks, my head will be goin' on and off like:


I can't do this! I can. (repeat x100000)


Well, these tend to happen every time whenever finals are approaching. Rejoice to sweet mental torture! \(>.<)/


Current mood: Moodless

22.3.11

A Tralala Feeling


A tralala feeling is a kind of feeling close to an euphoric state between heavy folds of I-couldn't-care-less and a huge slab of nudging want to run around in an open space cackling like a bumbling idiot.


Last week before finals. Ngehh.


Dad heard me deejay live on air! Felt so awesome x) To have him of all people listening to me, made me feel so... indescribable. Even though he didn't tune in throughout the whole show, which is kinda like, aww man, coz I had a special tribute for him at the end of it. But still, it was okay. Still too awesometastic, really. ♥ you, Dad!


So these days I'm also like this:




With considerable amount of this:




Waaaaay too much of this:




And most of the current time, like this:




Tralalalalaalaaaaa~


Current need: A bath

19.3.11

Current Notables


One.

I tend to fancy the male species from afar. I like the mystery of the characters they could be, how they interact with people they know, their poised manners when they address to people they don't know. And the small, noticeable details. The way they walk. The smile. The gestures. The eyes that are looking at something, and the thinking that comes with it. The radiated persona that is uniquely them.

And of course, the additional points would be the, ahem, physical aspects. That is certainly a bonus and in some good cases, makes the most of the fanciness.

Mix these ingredients well and you'll get the perfect male case study to observe from time to time. The fanciness rate would go high or low depending on how he chooses his clothing or hair style. You'll comment, but of course, observation still goes on. You'll go dramatically crazy in particular when you notice him popping up in places you don't expect within the same perimetres as you are. You'll have you eyes following his walks to somewhere. And you definitely question with a evil eye when you see him solely converse with a particular female, and that female would automatically be a female dog (this only happens when the fanciness takes on a higher level xD).

Just perfect. And it gets even more perfect when you hear nice stories about him from the people you know. It's like an exquisite home decor to an already perfect house.

All this from afar.

In some other cases, you get to know him in person. This is when the fanciness is at high risk of falling dead on solid dirt. Why? The mystery would then be gone, shatter into mere nothingness after being shot at by his true colours. The perfect house you build so perfectly of him will burn to charcoal crisp by the inferno of his actual real-life characteristics. Arghh.

It's so annoying. You'll be torn between beating yourself up along the lines of, why did I ever check him out/use to fancy him in the first place, and why do chances play me around so gleefully that I had to endure the annoyance of knowing this guy. Urghh.

Thankfully, not all male case studies that are known turned out horrendous. Some, fancifully, turned out better than the mystery of the unknown. Sometimes, it's proven even better in dreams xD (refer to post 15th Feb). These are the rare case studies that must be continued in further observation to collect important data and then analysed to create fanciful conclusions. So that the fanciness can live on.

All this best from afar.

PS: People might think that this contributes to the many reasons why I'm still single. The truth is, I'm having waaaaay too much fun on my own. xD That why, in this case, I can be vain to say that I ROCK. \\m//



Two.

Last month I did live deejay-ing with fellow deejays in one of the uni dorms that had a charity event. A cool experience that was as I rambled excitedly in English and mostly, surprisingly, in Malay. Notably, I also did my first paintball game, which resulted to having my deejay team lost in the first game, then becoming target practice for a pro paintballer (4 deejays against 1 pro). As a souvenir from my first paintball experience, I had a purplish blue bruise the size of a chicken egg on my upper thigh for a good three weeks. Thanks, pro. xP But still, a great time was all that mattered.

A week passed. I was strolling through the same dorm as always from my own dorm to get to class, and as I was listening to music, I noticed this girl walking towards the same path I was on and looking intently at me from far. I was like, what's up with this bimbo but I paid no attention and kept going. Good thing the music at the time was on low, coz when we crossed paths I heard her saying (in Malay) with a face of attempting to confirm, "You're that deejay from last time, right?" Quite startled, I blurted, "Eh? Uh, yeah, heheh."

I smiled and soared all the way to class. The feeling of personal triumph of accomplishment was awesome. \^0^/



Three.

My radio lecturer had his farewell party end of last month. As a custom, we recorded videos of happenings in the radio lab and recordings of personal and group dedications of the radio crew specially for him. I volunteered to edit the sad video theme (no surprises there) while the eccentric did the happy one. And as I sat through the video clips of my lecturer, his jokes and personal dedication to his students, the crew's expressions of love and appreciation, the addition of music to enhance the video mood, I thought I had enough of being emotional from it all. Enough of wallowing in tears and reminisce. Editing of course, requires seemingly endless repetitions of video play, and I was confident that I was already immune to its emotional content when it was finally done.

I was wrong (no surprises there, either).

Almost 13 minutes long, it was played during the party in front of my celebrated lecturer, his colleagues and his students. The clip of his expression of love towards his students came out and I found myself fighting back huge amount of tears. It certainly didn't help when I saw the calm face of a senior lecturer who listened so intently to every word being said in the video. The eccentric looked at me and said I should get some sleep later coz my eyes were so red. I said that I was just sad.

It was done playing and the senior lecturer shook hands with him, and said something like, "I've never heard such dedication from a lecturer towards his students." I looked around, and I thought I scored with the video when I saw a few of my fellow classmates, red-faced from crying. Even the head was wiping her eyes.

Emotional mission, accomplished.

That evening, the class was empty except for me, the babe and my lecturer. I was coughing like hell but still had the nerve to karaoke with the babe. I sang to tunes of Frank Sinatra, Elvis Presley and The Beatles for him in mind. And felt so honoured when he said, "She can really sing!" More than once, even the next day. He commented that I had talent. And his comments were the best I've ever received in my whole 22 years of life. It was such a great honour I'd never forget.

I got my wish to sing to him of Micheal Jackson's 'Ben', as I noted him listening to the song one time with such favour. Coughing and all, I actually got through it okay. Coz he said it was good. =)

It's amazing and a blessing to have known someone who is more of a father than a lecturer.



Four.

The skepticism and the worry of near future. It's gonna be super busy, scary and lonely. An extra subject added to the typical credit hours taken, theatre activities (the feeling of doubt is inevitable), the infamous dreaded lecturer, and some cool people I know including the babe, my best friend, would not be around. My radio lecturer would be gone too.

It's quite hard to contain from bursting into a serious panic attack.

I have to tell myself constantly that I STILL have a few other cool people and cool friends to hang around still. And I must appreciate that.

Yet significant things would not be the same again. Sigh.



Five.

Life after uni. As this one particular gifted lecturer of mine have said, I'm not ambitious. I'm not the one to plan my future. Ideas are of course, permeated there in mind of what's next, but not really the clear, concise picture. The future (and the human being) is too unpredictable for planning. All we can have, really, are ideas. Only God has the future plans constructed.

Just my views.

Watching my friends entering the working world is like a sudden huge splash of cold water to wake a long sleep. I cannot think of my entering of it just yet. But I pray for their success.

I found this quote, which speaks me out very well:


credit


So let's travel to life!



PS: This post is triggered by Studio Ghibli's movie, 'Whisper of the Heart'. I think this is my new favourite movie from them next to 'Spirited Away'. =3



Current music: Sly and the Family Stone - Que Sera Sera (Whatever Will Be, Will Be)

6.3.11

An Inescapable Blend of Miscellaneous Feelings


Have you ever had an assortment of various feelings all at once inside of you, each with its own force and intensity that you don't even know how to approach them one by one, only to resort into doing absolutely nothing?

My experiences with it is limitless.

As of current, I can't help but to feel tired, sad, hopeful yet hopeless, scared, exasperated, motivated yet demotivated, perplexed, empty yet contented, a shot of craziness, abstracted but obvious, spirited but dejected.

The only three things that keep me going till now are the people I trust, love and respect, and of course, food, and music.

But people can be scary sometimes. Overwhelming. Confusing. Food and music, however, can never be. x)

I could mention God, too, that God never stops giving guidance for whatever I do. But I feel I am not of worthy. Not worthy. At all.

God, You are too great, and I am too weak.

~

I wish to sing as the sun rises on the horizon of fields of flowers that stretches as far as the eyes could wander. I wish to feel the grass and earth beneath my feet as I walk through the field bursting with colour of fresh flowers at every turn, collecting the sensations of soft petals grazing across my palms. And their scent will be mesmerizingly light. Light and carefree as the soul beneath my bones.

And I shall sing along the calming whispers of the wind.

~

PS: I have decided not to have the comments section on my blog from this point onwards. Why?  Because a poetic writer's blog inspired me (no pun intended xD). It made me realise something. Blogs are online diaries, yes? I don't ever recall diaries having people to comment on them. Well, since blogs are online and are made public, I guess it's inevitable for the public to say something about them.

I guess it's up to the blog authors themselves whether to regard their blogs as solely personal or personal with feedback. I now choose the former. =)

I apologise to my loyal readers, but I'd like to experiment this level of personalism. I personally think it's rather refreshing. I hope you peeps don't mind eh, hihi. But thank you all for your previous time spent commenting on my entries, I still do appreciate them very much! x)

Thanks for the sudden inspiration, poetic writer. I'm glad I've finally mentioned you here since you've already done so on your blog xD

Rejoice!


Current time: 8:57pm   2:04am

15.2.11

Just a Fantasy Crush


The babe woke me up today and I fluttered my eyes open, and smiled. I told her I had a weird dream. Weird, but felt so awesometastically good.

I am a person who can never vividly remember dreams in full. Only certain parts, moments of those dreams that were particularly vital, when they would leave me in a swirl of haziness euphoria right after I wake up from them, and those distinct particulars would dance with such fluidity of mischievous fairies within the spaces left in my head, and beckoning, luring the fragments of my consciousness to fly back into the intense miscellany of emotions I felt as I was experiencing those abstracted moments. 

The warmth engulfing from behind me was hot and secure, smothering me in a heavy overprotecting cocoon that I thought I could simply, blindly drown into. The way my arm was held firm but laced with noted gentleness; the way my lower shoulder was nuzzled, breathed, drank in, explored with affections of a tamed lion favoring tenderness from his lioness. Just sitting. And feeling.

I told the babe who it was and she softly giggled. I smiled too, and cursed. She said she knew I had somewhat of a teeny weeny crush on him. Come to think of it, and after a few seconds of thought, I kinda do, and I admitted it. xD I told her, "Yeah, it's like a crush that you don't want it to be developed, ya know?"

A fantasy crush: A crush you feel towards a person that is felt to be all so sweet, warm and fuzzy in your own fantasy world, but could never be developed into even a dream of being with that person in reality. This crush would never emerge on the surface of your emotions every time you meet that person face-to-face; it will come forth only in your wildest dreams. Literally. xD

Scary, but nice and fluffy all the same. Who would have thought? ^_~

Go on, give it a try. >x)


Current mode: Miscellaneous

12.2.11

Of Three Short Notes


I’m feeling a short-notes format for this post. So here we go! xD

Camp Fun
During Chinese New Year’s one week break, I volunteered to join a 3-day leadership camp as a representative of my club. I was thinking like, okay, I never went to any outdoorsy, camping-ish activities before in uni, so why not? And I could gain experience participating in it at least once while in uni. So I did, and I was surprised at how much I enjoyed myself during that 3-day period! The best part was meeting and getting to know awesome people, and working together as a team with those peeps. I had good fun drawing a cow, designing my group’s logo, playing simplified stock market, and building a boat made out of a box, black bin plastic bags and lotsa tape. My group got second last for overall performance (we aimed to be the last since we were the last group xD), but we got the highest for our programme proposal! Aaaand, I made it through a full obstacle course! With much yelling and screaming! xD Another best part I noted was getting to know people and their leadership auras (like whoooaaaa). By then, I started to believe that my generation would turn out alright in the future. They are that amazing individuals.

Work Rejection
After holidays were over, this week has been hmm, pretty neat. I simply rejected from doing any form of academic work throughout the weekdays. The only work I did was my scripts for the talk show. I was embracing my dismissal of certain subjects, one that I absolutely, willingly and adamantly rejected. My total refusal to commit, even associate myself in any way possible with that subject is so strong; I amuse myself. xD My thanks to the lecturer. Plus, I didn’t bother to send in an assignment that was due two days after someone revealed to me the due date for it. I couldn’t put myself into bludgeoning my brain overnight with research (that assignment requires a lot of it) like before, and then skipping classes again the next day. And I didn’t wanna submit a half-assed work to an awesome lecturer. Let it be late, but quality work (if only this principle applies to the working world xP). Therefore, no work was done. Life can be simple. xD

In Between
I met one of my close friends and we talked about how tiring this semester’s been getting. She said, “ I can’t wait for this semester to be over.” Then it suddenly hit me. I never thought of that before. I mean, sure, I can no longer accept certain subjects I’m taking, up to the point where I could not wait to go back home every weekend, but I’ve never really given a thought about wanting to end this semester so badly. So I replied, “Hmm, yeah… Well, I feel like, a part of me want this semester to end, another does not.” Why? Coz even with the stupid subjects (actually, this is all the lecturers’ doings. I’m sorry to say this but it’s true) I’m taking, I’m sad of letting go of an incredible lecturer of mine who established the campus radio I’m currently on right now for practicum. He’s not the only one leaving, one of my best friends, the babe, is leaving too after this semester. It’s an inevitable heartbreak that I refuse to let it sink in my reality. Why keep reminding of the sadness? Just live life exuberantly while they are both here. =)

Need sleep. -_____-
 
Current time: 6:23 a.m.
 

20.1.11

I've Fallen in Love with a Voice















And those two dimples are to die for! Grrfff. x3

Afgan’s voice and dimples, will you marry me? xD


Current mode: Obsessed ♥ 

14.1.11

A Lifeless Week


My life-o-meter has the inevitability of going up or coming down. And this week is not my week at all. Just wanna get home as swiftly as I could.

Throughout the week I was feeling like this:


and this:


Some of this:



Dragging the days like this:



Home + Lotsa dessert + Strong coffee + Sleep = Euphoria


Current time: 1:13 a.m.

5.1.11

A Happy Day


A happy day consist of:


1) Having someone to show you that there's a listener, who tuned in to your campus radio that you're currently doing your practicum on as a weekly deejay, commented on the radio blog saying that he/she (although it strongly suggested male) wants to be friends with you (and the person posted that while he/she listened to you slammin' it on air xD). You only knew this after you've done with another live show rather messily coz you didn't finish writing your script and you were writing it as you were talking live on your show.

2) Having a cool lecturer telling you after you finished your show that he switched on the campus radio in the department's office while you were on air and the Head of Department heard you and thought you were okay, and not bad. And that same lecturer tells you to keep up the good work.

3) Having short, crazy, funny moments with your bestie that didn't make any sense to others but the two of you in a dry, theorerical class.

4) Having a classmate telling you that your other cool lecturer whipped out your past radio programme assignment for his entire class to hear, then taking your past scriptwriting assignment to be photocopied as a sample for the whole class.

5) Having a class cancelled after a class of writing notes from slides until your fingers felt like falling off your hands.

6) Having friends who would help you out with your radio programme promo at the very last minute after asking them less than two hours beforehand. And the result turned out AH-MAY-ZING. xD

7) Having your awesome practicum lecturer to edit your already-recorded radio programme promo with TWO spectacular background music. \^0^/ Now you have TWO freakin' awesometastic programme ID! *para para dance*

8) Having to laugh so hard so much with your best mates until you felt like you were about to pee in your pants.

9) Having a super nice acquaintance to help you out with the thing that makes you feel most guilty about losing.

10) Having a friend texting you saying how tired she was after being so busy, but still said that she loves you.

11) Having to shampoo you hair and have a quiet night by yourself in your room, in your dorm. Oh, having to do your laundry too.

12) Having to call your grandma whom you haven't speak to for a while, after seeing your mom posted a lovely status about herself visiting grandma the day before and the both of them chatted for four hours, then your mom left with a smile on her face. They survived each other for four hours without a fight. A miracle!


Thank you, God. You are truy Great! ♥


Current feeling: Content ;)

1.1.11

Farewell to a Great Year


It's a Friday night, time currently 9.53pm and the date is 31st December 2010. I just entered my 3rd year in uni, the 3rd week of the new semester is almost ending and assignments are waiting to be done by Monday. But I'm feeling a little nostalgic tonight and I just HAVE to type everything of this now, before I'm further immersed in uni work and busyness.

Year 2010 is definitely a highlight of my life as a student, and a person. There are so many ups to reminisce than the downs, with the guidance of God, who has never left my side. Even though sometimes I tend to forget Him and who I am, He never gave up on me.

And I will keep on fighting to remember and appreciate Him, always will and no matter how small.

God, please don't give up on me. Because I will never give up my fight, even with my tendency towards irresponsibility.

I will never give up.

So, what happened in this special year of my life? Let's break it up into 3 parts: Beginning, Middle and End of the Year. =D (yayy a segmented post! xP)


Beginning of the Year  (Jan -  Apr)

I just entered my 2nd year in uni, and have officially majored in Communications. I quickly bonded with two girls who I've known from the previous semester, and we made a pact to be in the same classes together (since I didn't know anybody else majoring with me, even from my own batch). They were seniors, but thankfully were just taking the same subjects with me. And without them, I cannot even imagine how would I ever survived.

The three of us clicked so quickly and we bonded so amazingly, it seemed like we've known each other for years. We plunged into the complicated subjects of statistics (yes, we Communication students MUST endure this in this uni) and association of the Holy Book with our major. Those nights of completing those painstaking stats assignments together. The times of ridiculously copy-pasting for a 50-page assignment (translations of the Holy Book, what else can you do but copy-paste?). The best moments were the group studies we did for these subjects. Those nights were filled with hilarious, nonsensical, wacky fun and frolics as we combat agonising formulas and theological facts in our own quirky ways. Thoes were the best group study I've ever had, period! Amazingly pure fun.

And the result? I got a grade lower than expected for a subject I targeted to do well in, got the expected average grade for that scriptural subject and my first blinking fat 'C+' ever for statistics, the subject of terror and doom (coz I did good for everything except for the final paper, which they thought it would be funny to make us targeted guinea pigs and receive a whole new reconstructed format. Nice, huh?).

But you know what? The results were insignificant compared to the journey I had throughout the semester. I gained two beautiful best friends. I think I triumphantly scored. \^0^/


Middle of the Year (May - Aug)

Short semester came and I was just taking one language subject. So, as you could read in this post of mine regarding said semester, nothing much really happened. Just random thingies here and there (like doing this something I shouldn't, but hey, I was bored. And when you are bored, you experiment things). Some of my besties were not within uni; one was not even in the country. Life then, was mundanely slow with occasional minor happenings.

June made a short stay, and I lived up my 22nd birthday with mediocre celebration. But I wasn't complaining; the love I received through various birthday wishes were enough to made my entire day, as noted in this post.

The new long semester finally dropped by and everything just started with a bang. First, I was crashing at the babe's room the whole time since the semester started as I wanted to move out of my old room (my roommates were annoyingly racket-makers). My bestie a.k.a. the babe, suggested my other bestie, the eccentric and I to form a production house and join a campus-based English theatre competition. Complete with an idea for the play, we all took that huge leap and started looking for talents and crew. The ensemble of people that came for the very first production meeting was amazing; we never thought we could get that many a people, but we did, thanks to my bestie's sister, the cream puff. Things went rolling from there.

Auditions were held for actors and dancers, though the script wasn't ready yet. We all saw a colourful bunch of talent, personalities and attitude; some interesting, some cute, some eye-brow-raising, some awkward-yet-acceptably-cool, some annoying as Hell. I got to know only then how judges for auditions feel like.

The scriptwriting part was a huge challenge as we had to do it within a scarce amount of time, as it must be submitted to the theatre committee for them to scrutinise of any inappropriate elements/part of the rules & reg. I moved back to my old room coz I was told it would take a while for me to move out, as expected. I remember ransacking my mind and my feelings as I typed the most intense scene of the play, and had eaten nothing but a curry puff and iced coffee for the whole day. Wow. When it was almost completed, we had another production meeting to announce the cast and crew. I can never forget that moment, when I came forth to the front of the class filled with anticipating people, as it was finally the revelation of what the theatre we were to work on was about. I felt like a lecturer having her first time teaching a packed class. Nervous-stricken, I explained the storyline scene by scene, and after I finished, I was greeted by an impressed crowd of applause. The session ended with finalising the cast and crew. It was all good. After a couple of days, scripts were given and work got vigorous.

I don't know where or how I got it, but it came so naturally. As the director of the play, I firstly got the actors to run through the script without acting it first (I later learned it's called dry-run), re-adjusted the script according to the actors' fitting, and later worked through the scenes. I had them to do warm-ups before every rehearsal, which I thank my experience of college for coz by then, it just came in handy. When it was time for full acting practices, at some point I just couldn't believe I was actually watching my script being acted out.

That two weeks of practice was the most intense period I've had EVER, physically and mentally. Classes during the day, theatre practice during the evenings and continued till midnight; most of the time, later. The only time that I did not think about the play was when I was dozing off. Every single day of the time, I would wake up and the first thought to mind was the theatre: which scene to rehearse, which actors to contact for the scenes, when to practice dancing and/or acting, the time appropriate for rehearsing if one or two actors couldn't make it. And it certainly did not help that my classes started at 8.30am from Mondays to Thursdays. I had to miss a couple coz I would be totally conked out from everything.

I truly, truly felt for my main actor as he had the most lines while juggling dance steps; one coordinated and two individual. My heart too, went for the other two supporting actors/dancers who trained with him all the way till midnight. The three of them were INCREDIBLE individuals. And of course, the babe, who was the producer and dance choreographer, was PHENOMENAL. It was amazing how she handled more subjects than me and taught the boys dancing as well. She too, conked out, but worse than I did. But she still got through it so strong.

The eccentric was also exceptional in training the actors to get into character, which was certainly laudable. The outcome of her work was totally whoa. And like, damn.

I suppose the process of this production brought out the true talent of the three of us.

When we finally got to rehearse in the actual place itself, I was unimpressed with the hall structure, I was worried about voice projection as the hall was too big, and the stage was small, while the backstage was bigger in size comparison. But it was a good thing as our play was the only play that has no props but two chairs. Hehe.

Full rehearsals were held days before the actual performance. This was also the time when the eccentric a.k.a. the stage manager, worked full blast to get the backstage crew in position for every scene. The first full rehearsal, with dances included, blew me away to smithereens. I thought my soul just burst out of me for a moment because it swelled with so much pride. I was utterly moved, close to tears. My only small regret was not recording that because it was THAT stunning. But I guessed that boosted their confidence too much, and things got a bit out of hand. I was too tired, and so I called in the experts--my parents.

At first I didn't want to, but I had to, coz at that point things were not taken too seriously, and performing day was less than 48 hours. So my parents came, along with some wardrobe from home, and they worked their magic. I think all of them didn't expect this was coming, and I was told by the babe that they were 'scared' of what's about to come. But my parents, as awesome as they are, offered constructive criticisms. I blew a relieved sigh; of course, I didn't expect them to be too harsh, yes, but it was because all in all, they saved the night. And I was nervous too, as this was the first time I invited my parents to witness and help with a uni project I was working on. But as always, they rocked, and gave me some pointers to tighten up the play. And I was happy that the main actors followed the suggestions given by both of them.

I self-noted something, when at this one time, after a full practice that I gave everyone a prep talk. I was expressing of what the theatre was really about and that how they should embrace it to make it more alive. The words just flowed out of me so smoothly, laced with the whole of my emotions I've poured into the play. This was rare whenever I talk in front of 20+ people. But, as I told the eccentric, I guess when you're passionate about something, you could just talk about it flawlessly, as though it's so natural of you.

Performance night. Tension was high and everyone felt the pressure, coz the performing hall was a full house. Even the babe's whole family came to watch. Make up was done, funnily though, as it included the boys. And as we waited for the first play to finished, we did the last warm-up, and the last prep talk. We stood in a huge circle, said our prayers, and battle-cried, "NEON!". We then entered the hall with only one thing in mind: to perform.

And how they performed. Sure, things got a bit messy here and there backstage, but we bloody rocked the stage. Everybody cheered, went crazy with the dances, whoa-ed during intense scenes, laughed at parts we thought were not funny (haha), and aah-ed when story finally came to place. I could never, ever forget that last part. As the play ended, I couldn't contained myself and I just cried. Those were tears of joy, success, contentment, and such pride and gratitude.

The whole cast and crew gathered again for the last time, and I gave my all in thanking each and every one of them from all corners of my heart. I said to them, "I've never had such an honour of working with people as amazing as you guys." I thank them individually by texting them, I thank them on Facebook, basically everywhere I could. Coz without their time, hard work and immerse dedication (because they were juniors complying to us seniors or just pure interest, it didn't matter), of course, this would never happened.

We won 2nd place for 'Best Play' and Best Female Actor. Not bad for our first try, eh? =)

On a side-note, I moved to a new dorm, and I now have a lovely roommate. Although it's situated further than my last dorm, the other two roommates smoke, while the other has a existing habit of a Chipsmore cookie, I still adore my room.


End of the Year (Sept - Dec)

 The hype of our theatre experience slowly died down, and none other than I, the babe and the eccentric felt it the worst. Suddenly life was back on a mundane track as typical students and things were going normal. But not just yet as we three found out, for we needed to do a project of expanding an online empire by having a product or service business for a new-media-associated subject. So, what else could we possibly do but to promote our very own production house? A campus-based at that, specialising in theatre, video and radio. The idea was to combine the works of the three of us as Electronic Media specialised students, from our first theatre to future video and radio projects. By then, we established our own logo and blog, accompanied with a Facebook page, a Twitter account and a Youtube page. Our works were noted, people we worked with were appreciated, and pictures and videos posted. It was as though we were preserving our greatest achievement, making our mark on the web.

Oh yeah, Ramadhan settled in for a while, and it was the first time the babe, the eccentric and I had fast-breaking together =) I went back to Perlis with Daddy for the first time in 9 years or so for Eid, and meeting with my many cousins whom I forgot/never knew, was all a nice experience.

While we were expanding our online empire (haha), I was working on assignments for scriptwriting subject as well, with the eccentric (yes, we had all classes together haha xP). First I had to record a book interview with a lecturer, then my scriptwriting lecturer gave us a random surprise by telling us that we had to do a live interview on radio with our chosen lecturer. Mind you, the super nice lecturer who agreed to do the interview twice, was none other than the director of the international student department. P.S.: I think he enjoyed being interviewed a lot as my other classmate got hold of him too. Anyways, I did it successfully, albeit it was all nerve-racking (he's a blinking Director of a department!). For the final assignment we were required to do a 3-panel interview, live, baby. I got hold of the babe, the bunny and the scruffy fish (nyaaaaaa xD) to be interviewed by yours truly on Malaysian theatre. They all rocked it so well; I was over-the-moon impressed with their answers. Amazing bunch of people. =)

Towards the end of the semester I got into the busy mode again, now only with the eccentric as we took the subject 'Video Production', and we had to shoot a video based on an inter-institutions-of-higher-learning video competition by a local road safety campaign, which was to be uploaded and voted online. It was a whole new challenge again as I first had the idea that we all agreed upon, and I had to develop the storyline and draw out the storyboard. This was one of the biggest challenges for me coz it was ages ago since I picked up a pencil to draw! I've neglected that part of me for such a long time, it was kinda sad.

We took in a few of the theatre cast and crew to help us out, and we shot everything within the video lab for two nights. I thank God so much for having the eccentric to be the technical director, floor manager and to handle the equipments, or not I could just collapse excellently by having to deal with everything. And again, it was a heartfelt for me whenever I watch an intense scene being acted out by a talent, as it was also incredible because after the birth of an idea in your mind, then drawn and written about it on paper, you then actually witness it in front of your eyes. I also finally realised that I'm an emotional scriptwriter and director. Apparently I handle emotions pretty intense.

We gave a small appreciation party to everyone involved with some pizza. And we all love pizza, don't we? xD

Editing, naturally, was a pain deep in the arse. The eccentric slept over in my house so we could work on Dad's iMac. Repetitions after repetitions of clips, seemingly endless search for that perfect soundtrack, the few milliseconds of re-edits; we painstakingly endured all these throughout the night and we only slept for an hour. After much technical difficulties, we submitted the subject requirement version of the video first, and tighten up the editing again during finals for it to be competition-ready. Finals were equally amazing as we had two weeks of gap between 5 papers. Thanks, uni admins.

The long semester ended with another bang as we finally uploaded our video online. People voted, and complimented; it was beautiful. But the most beautiful of all, was when all the hard work being done so passionately resulted to having my position back on the list! \^0^/ And I couldn't have done it at all if it weren't for awesome friends and work peers, the wonderful people I've had the privilege to know, which included the lecturers. It was an incredible feeling of being, just, accepted, as some of these lecturers were so supportive and understanding; it makes you want to work and give back the best you could after receiving so much from them. Awe-inspiring people that I was blessed with throughout this semester.

A truly remarkable journey.


Social-wise, I've rekindled old friendships and the meet-ups of these old friends made me realise the importance of being in contact, and the value of true friends. True friends never die, no matter how long time passes.

I've also befriended two new friends, the bunny and the cinnamon bun (xD). Two good guys with personalities and thinking much bigger than their ages. It's inspiring. And it seemed we were on the same wavelength coz we became fast friends. The five of us would hanged out and talked about everything till late of night, drinking cups of hot chocolate and laughing away. Had a visit to the bunny's house and ate multitudes of chocolate(!). We would go out to eat Burger King, and then after finals, had a quirky picnic and watched theatre at KLPAC (which was quite interesting, yet startlingly embarassing--for me, that is). I don't know if we could do the same again during this semester, when everyone is scurrying around with uni work and all. But I, now, like the eccentric, miss those hangouts.

They say friends come and go. Even friends whom have been with you for years. I honestly don't know what happened, but it seems like I've lost an old friend; I don't know, maybe. Maybe it's my fault, maybe it's her fault, maybe circumstances and the times were to blame, maybe we need some time off of each other, maybe things have changed, maybe both of us changed that it's not befitting between us anymore. But I still have to say this, even though this has been the longest that we haven't had any contact, I still think of you. Yet maybe separation could make us stronger in life.

I hope you are doing well nowadays.

Another new semester began and the burden of study as a 3rd year student is being felt in serious means. Most of the subjects taken are purely academics, and the biggest blunder and disappointment of all is having a practical subject conducted as an academic one. And I'm certainly not an academic, book-based, theory-driven person. The only salvation to this mental torture is practicum, which I'm to be deejay on the online campus radio twice a week. And of course, the lecturers who would always be there whenever we needed to complain about the unjust system. xD

Oh, and of recent I've been elected to be in the main board for Theatre Club, thanks to the babe. Haha. Well, at least I've joined something while in uni, right? =P

~

So, that pretty sums up my everything of 2010. I hate resolutions so I don't have any for this new year, but I'm expecting a head-splitting tribulation of article reviews and research papers that would come oh-so-handy when I apply for a job in, say, Leo Burnett.

Yet I guess, the wonderful past year will be of a huge boost for me to survive this new year. With God's guidance. In His will.

I'll be strong.

2010, I'm gonna miss you a heck lot. 2011, shall we?




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